Women are the most versatile and conveniently multi-tasking species ever made on Earth! I’m not self-appraising here, but simply putting out the fact!
As much as she soars up in all walks of life – she is tied down by the expectations of the family, particularly on bearing a child. Particularly in a society like India, women are expected to give “the good news” within a couple of months of marriage or atleast within a year.
Our lifestyle has changed a lot… What we expect from our life has got elevated… Women are no-more plainly thinking about marrying Mr.Right and to bear and bring up their kids.
There is a lot she wants to achieve…A lot she wants to explore! She wants to get her own space primarily even within the wedlock and act according to her choices, indulge in her passion and discover various talents long-forgotten. Fortunately most men today are understanding enough on “what she is”!
At the same time, societal and peer pressure is going nowhere! The pressure of getting pregnant at the earliest possible after one’s wedding is one-sided… always on the woman and barely anything on the man – atleast in India!
Be it any get-together between family, friends or relatives – a married woman without a kid is bound to be caught in a web of questions! She is also the naive target of all gossip gangs and imaginative story-telling about her life.
NO – the yarns of gossip and mud-slinging are not only from aged grannies and aunts – but also from the likes of middle and young aged women who are blessed enough to be literate, but missed the bus on education!
Personally I find it very rude for someone to ask a lady if she is pregnant or when is she planning to have a child. There are some who even go to the extent, “Why don’t you guys plan a child? Its been 2 years since you got married?” or “You guys should check with a doctor and see what he/she has to say!”
Excuse me! It’s their life… it’s her life after all…. I believe more than a man – a woman should hold the choice of when she wants to get pregnant and why. At the end of the day, it is she who is going to shoulder most responsibility of rearing the child, let alone the complete onus of pregnancy on her ever since the sperm and egg met inside her!
If you look around in Western countries, people freely talk and debate about politics and welfare of the nation, but be privy about their personal life. But only in India, you can find people chit-chatting and barging questions about one’s private life left, right & centre even in public transport – but no one would want to discuss politics or nation building! What a contrary! Which of these is the right way of public behavior?
A lady could be going through a lot of things in her life….be it financial…moral support…health..decision making… a lot of them!
We are simply hurting her by posing the pregnancy question on her face – she might already be worried about her getting pregnant or haven’t even given a thought about it yet!
What we know is the outer happier her and NOTHING about the turmoil she must be going through within, with all sections of the society poking at her fertility.
If one’s pregnant we all get to know in due time – why bother so much?
I have had (so-called) friends who have gone to the extent of calling me “jealous” & having probable “fertility issues” – since they were pregnant or moms already and I wasn’t inspite of being married for two years. I took my own time to decide on my family and nobody’s bullying was going to fetter me to societal pressure! I steer clear of such people from my life however good a “friend” they might have been and its been 3 years now and I haven’t reached out to them or seen their face!
I myself was born to my parents after eight whole years of wedlock. Imagine what all my mom had to go through, that too in those days when the ultimate culmination of a marriage is the woman bearing a child! You should just open this topic in front of my mom and see how her eyes get welled up.
My mom has naturally passed on this “civic sense” to me, since I have never seen her peeping into or questioning someone’s personal life!
Its we who has to change this trend – we the women of today can explain this to our moms, in-laws, people whom we socialize with – that its not appropriate at all to poke into one’s private life!
To the ladies –
Being a mom is definitely an achievement and fulfillment in life, but please don’t consider it to be the “ultimate accomplishment” of a woman’s life and start chiding or taunting your colleagues/friends/relatives – even for the simplest of fun!
Nobody is looking for your suggestions or experiences or society’s perspective through your eyes!
Inculcate this “civic sense” in your child’s upbringing.
To the gentlemen –
A woman’s body is much more complex than yours with the whole child bearing machine fitted in and lot of additional chemical potions (read ‘hormones’) thrown in – to reward you with a baby.
Understand the woman’s preferences, her physical and mental preparedness, before you and your family thrust the “baby” syllabus on her. If your wife chooses to not become a mother in the current circumstances, listen out to her, support her and evaluate options with her rather than be pushy due to avoidable pressures on you.
Stand up for your lady, my men!
– A Crappy Mom